angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
