i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
