if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
