that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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