Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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