seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
