I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
