I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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