My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
