why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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