Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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