peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
