How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
