Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
