so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
