There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
