So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what day is it and did you see me today?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
