Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
