And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
