Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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