I looked at my own cervix.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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