After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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