I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
