Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
