I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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