My vagina just recognized that song.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
