Old men and throwing up are my life now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
