You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
