fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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