Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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