I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
