She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
