So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
