Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
