I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
