Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
