Non-Jews are for practice
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
