Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
