glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
