my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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