I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
