i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
