im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
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i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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