Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Someone signed my nipple.
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