My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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