you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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