Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
