He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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