I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
