just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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