I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
