party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
