dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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