id be glad to
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
