If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
