he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize