I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
