and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
