well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
