I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
