he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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