i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
