I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.