Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me. http://tfl.nu/gsfp
  Replies (18) Good night (1187) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina? http://tfl.nu/iipt
  Replies (17) Good night (3891) Bad night (1387)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp? http://tfl.nu/p1my
  Replies (28) Good night (1351) Bad night (5957)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  did you answer or finish?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  both

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called? (1-404): did you answer or finish? (404): both http://tfl.nu/gzoz
  Replies (27) Good night (7522) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....

  (949): View more from California

  Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Dude, can't find my socks anywhere.... (949): Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back http://tfl.nu/cw1n
  Replies (15) Good night (1150) Bad night (4515)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop. http://tfl.nu/zx6t
  Replies (31) Good night (5684) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet.... http://tfl.nu/cx4o
  Replies (5) Good night (5258) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come. http://tfl.nu/qjzy
  Replies (11) Good night (3593) Bad night (1352)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath. http://tfl.nu/28ff
  Replies (10) Good night (1717) Bad night (2382)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands. http://tfl.nu/9yq1
  Replies (7) Good night (3382) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment http://tfl.nu/9skg
  Replies (5) Good night (1154) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move. http://tfl.nu/5xj0
  Replies (9) Good night (1074) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible. http://tfl.nu/givh
  Replies (3) Good night (518) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Pathetic yet considerate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up. (1-954): Pathetic yet considerate http://tfl.nu/ng7i
  Replies (2) Good night (759) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.

  (818): View more from California

  Turns out it's a fake number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though. (818): Turns out it's a fake number. http://tfl.nu/3uc9
  Replies (2) Good night (476) Bad night (247)

Randomize