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Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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