The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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