covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
