i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate all girls vehemently.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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