just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
