so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
