It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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