Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments

(320): View more from Minnesota

You know how I know you're gay?

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(240): View more from Maryland

I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(720): View more from Colorado

You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.

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(941): View more from Florida

She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.

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