Having a random hookup so left but love u
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
