I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO