My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
