Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
