Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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