yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
