awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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