her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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