that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
