Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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