OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
