I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
