No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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