We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
