Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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