he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
