she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
