yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
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i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your penis caused this!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize