I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
