Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
