no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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