So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just had sex on a roof
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
