What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
